Staying with the trouble of collegiality, professionalism and care: Fertilities in academia

Collegiality and professionalism are touted as crucial in academic career success and security, and as required for participation in academic spaces. Conversely, care, essential to well-being and social reproduction, is rarely portrayed as necessary or even appropriate in academic space. This auto-ethnographic article uncovers discursive constructions of professionalism, collegiality, and care. I frame them as practices academics are unevenly required to perform—whether explicitly demanded or as a necessity for well-being—through the lens of my experience of fertilities as a graduate student. Rather than a single biological event, fertilities encompass ongoing pressures, desires, and experiences born throughout what are seen as ‘childbearing years.’ Within academia, fertilities are constructed as threatening to academic success, particularly as they impose the burden of care work that may detract from academic work, impede professionalism, and leave less time for collegiality. This piece contributes to the intersection of three phases of fertilities experienced during graduate school: early pregnancy, miscarriage diagnosis, and the process of becoming un-pregnant. I highlight my experience of fertilities because they are common yet hushed by stigma—a silence co-constitutive with the under-theorizing of fertilities and leading to the absence of care, exacerbated by university policies and norms. Through this engagement, the article aims to change the parameters of the speakable within departments so we can seek and receive the care we need. Without discarding the positive potential of collegiality or professionalism, I advocate for mentorship, slow scholarship, and intersectional acts of care, arguing that ‘care’ should be neither stigmatized nor mandated. Instead, the definition must be collaborative, evolving, and intersectional. As bell hooks writes, “imagine how much easier it would be for us to learn to love [or care] if we began with a shared definition.â€