Lost (and Found) in Translation – Queer ‘Wedding-Engagement’ Tactics in Poland

In many Western countries, LGBTQ couples experience the ‘after marriage era’, allowing them to cherish their intimate bonds openly and legally. Meanwhile, Poland remains the biggest country in the European Union, refusing legal recognition. Some LGBTQ couples from Poland decide to get married or enter into a civil partnership abroad, which is not recognised by the Polish state. Many invent their own couple rituals to celebrate their relationships. The article critically engages with Western scholarship on queer weddings, commitment ceremonies, and couple rituals, mainly analysed through the polarised notions of subversion versus normativity. In contrast, the present article proposes to go beyond this dichotomy and apply a more tender and nuanced research approach. It maps a broader repertoire of naming, timing, and displaying tactics entangled in the local socio-political and cultural context where these couple rituals are developed. The article argues that these tactics are developed not only regardless of lack of legal recognition, but also that the socio-political context deeply influences how these rituals are shaped. It also demonstrates how notions of authenticity and agency transgress the dichotomy between subversion versus normativity often applied in analysing such rituals. The article concludes by sharing research implications and future paths for research on queer couple rituals. The article draws on 53 individual in-depth narrative interviews and a monthly ethnographic study conducted with 21 non-heterosexual families done within the Families of Choice in Poland research project.