Field, ethics and self: negotiating methodology in a Hindu right wing camp

There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution. (Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray) Feminist research methodology has made a strong case for emotionality as a legitimate part of not only the research process but also, as a valid addition to the data gathered. Research in risky environments presents tangible threats in the form of physical and mental exhaustion, and harm. It also becomes an avenue to confront emotions that go beyond the encounter with change. These emotions are extremely personal but contain within them the potential to threaten the researcher's mental well-being (in the form of trauma or shock), the ethics guiding the research or abandonment of the research project. This article concurs with Lal's [Lal, J. (1996). Situating locations: The politics of self, identity, and ‘other’ in living and writing the text. In D. L. Wolf (Ed.), Feminist dilemmas in fieldwork (pp. 185–214). Boulder, CO: Westview Press] assertion that we need to go beyond reflexivity during the research process and use it for ‘political action’. By using data collected during participant observation at a camp that was conducted by the women's group associated with the largest Hindu nationalist organisation in India, the article attempts to situate the emotion of guilt as an inseparable part of the research experience and makes a case for utilising it not only for more ethically sound research but also, an honest and empowering research process.